Finding My Voice and Book Launch Thoughts

Writing my book is forcing me to be open about things I’ve mostly kept to myself over the years. The book is full of true stories as well as made up ones. I’ve always been hesitant to speak up, and I have not been my best advocate in many circumstances, but this book is calling me out into the world.

Can I be honest with you? I’m so afraid to launch this book.

I have a bad habit of imagining all the worst possible outcomes for any situation I am in, instead of imagining the best scenarios. It’s a form of protection, but it also closes the door to what could be amazing outcomes if it weren’t for the doubt. I’m excited about writing this book, I’m excited about completing this book, but releasing it… that’s something different.

It would be easy for me to not have expectations for myself or for the book. If I don’t have any expectations, I cannot be disappointed. However, if I don’t have expectations, how can I surpass them?

I’ve been creating this book for years, and it has seen many changes. More importantly, it is helping me expand. The book is about speaking out loud, finding my voice, and telling my stories, and whether it sells five copies or five million, I am grateful for the movement it has caused in my life. It is pushing me mentally, spiritually, and financially. It is forcing me to reach out to people and allow them in. It is forcing me to not do everything on my own the way I am inclined to do.

Still, I’m bracing myself for judgement and lack of support. I’m bracing myself for this book being something I did rather than something I accomplished. I’m bracing myself for a book launch with zero virtual viewers and only my parents in attendance. I’m bracing myself for a failed book launch.


I’ve become accustomed to being the only person excited about something I’ve created. I’m good at celebrating myself. And, quite honestly, I’m okay with investing the money I’ve spent to create something I’m proud of, even if it doesn’t sell. Of course, I still hope and pray it’s a hit. Even if not immediately, I hope someone finds it and loves it and shares it and other people find it and love it and share it. But even if that doesn’t happen, I love it.

I love my book now as it is (unfinished), and I’ll love it more once it has a beautiful cover design, and I’ll love it even more once it’s printed and in my hands. And, yes, I pray other people love it too, but if they don’t, I’m fine with that. Honestly. It’s how I’ve come to live, and how I’ve come to view myself as well.

I am not the “right” kind of something for many people I encounter. I’m not the right kind of woman, the right kind of Black, the right kind of writer, the right kind of a hundred other things, but in finding myself and finding my voice, I have come to appreciate being an acquired taste.

I know I’m rambling about a lot of things right now. My point is, I hope you decide to attend my virtual book launch, and I hope you buy my book, and I hope you love it. But even if you don’t, that’s okay with me.

Happy reading!

Book Update

I try to do a book review at the end of each month, but I haven’t finished Parable of the Sower yet. I’m about halfway done because I’m not speeding through it and also because some days I’m not reading at all to be quite honest. So let’s talk about my book.

I’m shopping for an editor right now. It took a bit longer to get feedback from people I already know who are in my target audience than I’d anticipated. And yes, that was partially because I took forever to actually ask these people to read it because I was uncertain and untrusting. But the girls did good and made me feel really excited about what I’d created.

That being said, I won’t get it completed and published by the end of the year like I’d hoped. I didn’t plan well with timing, but it’s my first book and I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m totally winging it here. However! I’m hoping the publishing process will go smoothly once the professional edit and my inevitable rewrite is complete and I can get it out before my half-birthday in March. Are half-birthdays a thing?

I’ve already got a cover designed based on a dream I had about receiving the proof copy of my book and so I’m likely to go with what I have, but I feel like I should probably create a couple more options and get some feedback on the cover art before formatting it for publishing.

Aside from the editing, this book is all DIM (do-it-myself) because I’ve been on a super tight budget this year getting my car paid off (which I did last week, yay!) and getting some additional things paid in December. And then of course January continues my debt-free journey with saving to pay off the student loans that I’ve been pretending don’t exist for eight years.

All that being said, I still have a surprise next month that I mentioned a while ago. It’s just taking some time to get there, but I’ll definitely let you in on it in a few weeks.

I’ll keep you updated on book progress, and may even post cover options over on our IG page (@ninentwo) for you to vote on. Who knows.

Once I’m done with Parable of the Sower I’ll let you know if my thoughts/feelings about it have changed since I first read it years ago. I also want to watch/listen to the 4-part discussion of the book done by the Smart Brown Girl Book Club on YouTube. I’ll probably do that first before I come talk about it here.

In the meantime…

Happy Reading!