So, I’m currently on this social media break, right? Well, I’ve been trying out some of the fancy new features on the S21+, including Bixby Routines and Focus Mode, so I set a focus mode to specifically keep IG and Snapchat locked and had it running for the first few days of this month. All was well until Saturday night when my Sabbath focus mode ended. Apparently, it cancelled out my February focus mode blocks (even though my February focus mode was still running) so a few notifications from IG popped up and caused me to feel just a tiny bit of panic.
It’s such a stupid thing for me to freak out about. The thing is, when I’m trying to avoid something (or someone), its sudden and unwanted presence tends to make me feel a little anxious. Maybe I feel like seeing notifications will make me feel like I have to respond or make me feel guilty for being absent. But the truth of the matter is that it’s likely none of those notifications are terribly important. The most likely scenario is that my cousin is sending me reels. They will be there when I get back, and if they aren’t that’s okay too.
I also felt this way at work, though. I was so burnt out that just seeing that colored dot on Slack or hearing the *click click click* notification sound would instantly increase my heart rate. I would avoid looking at emails and Slack messages for as long as possible because I knew they always indicated adding more work to my already full plate. Eventually, though, I knew my boss would be messaging me again asking me to confirm I received her instructions and was working on the task, so I had to act.
I’m still healing from the trauma inflicted by the past year and a half, and I decided that I wasn’t going to risk being triggered again by my failed focus mode, so I went ahead and uninstalled IG and Snapchat from my phone. I’ll reinstall them in March and hopefully come back refreshed.
The first week of this social media break and pouring into myself has not been as fulfilling as I would have liked. I did start reading a new book, bought myself flowers and candles, and pampered my skin a little more, but I also spent three days stressing about maintenance coming into the apartment while I was out, so I ended up cancelling my beach plans. Maintenance coming in without me home is one of the things that triggers anxiety for me. I have to be able to see (and sanitize after they leave) everything they touch, and I also want to make sure they aren’t digging into private things.
When we were showing my parents’ house to sell, someone went through my dresser drawer (that I had taped up to prevent such invasion) and it sent me into a really bad panic attack, so maintenance personnel having free range of our space causes a lot of anxiety for me.
I’m planning for this week to be better, though. I’m getting my hair done, trying a new place to eat, and may even head to a museum for half a day. I haven’t yet decided if it should be a chocolate museum or a circus museum, or if I want to redeem my missed beach day from last week, but I’ll figure it out.
In the meantime, I’m trying meditation, reading The Lost Book of Adana Moreau by Michael Zapata, and not curbing my current obsession with a hot morning chai. I like to steep two bags of chai tea (one if the tea is well flavored) with extra ginger and cinnamon. Then I heat my oat milk with vanilla extract and brown sugar before mixing it with the brewed tea. It’s been a great replacement for my budding coffee habit. I don’t get the jitters or the tummy ache, but I still get the nice warm creamy drink, so it’s a win.
How are you all doing during this Black History Month of Love? What are you reading? What are you drinking? How are your goals coming along? Let me know!