December Writing Cave Wrap Up

So, we’re at the end of the first week of January and I still haven’t the nerve to log back on socials.

This writing cave month was very much needed even though I didn’t get as much writing done as I thought I would. There was quite a bit of reflection, clearing energetic space, making room for things to be moved out of or into my life. It’s been mildly cleansing and a lot reassuring.

There’s been validation of my intuition, confirmation that my desires, intentions, and moves are in the direction of God and the life I am creating for myself, and a consistent practice of regaining trust in myself through all of it. My therapist would be proud of me.

What I did get done during December in terms of writing:

1 Short story completed
2 Journal designs completed, and proof copies ordered
1 Short story started and stuck on

My goal is to have 5 of my short stories done by the end of February. Positive vibes, well wishes, and aligned prayers are welcome!

There have been some business document mishaps this week that I’m still working to correct, but I’m chalking it up to the new business owner learning curve. However, they have thrown a wrench in my writing plan for today. There’s always next week, though.

And since next week is not today, I’m not going to think too much about it.

I’m learning to practice mindful presence. We’ll see how that goes. I hope your 2023 has started well.

Creating Space for Writing

I was exhausted after I self-published my first book last year. At the time, I didn’t think it was taking a lot out of me, but there was a lot of other intense things happening in my personal life and all of it just kind of wore me out.

I thought I would spend a lot of time working on my second book this year, but I just haven’t been able to make space for writing in that way. First, I was tired, then I was distracted, then I got busy, and my short stories got placed on the shelf while I dealt with the constantly changing emotions.

For a little while, I did work on chopping up a novel I started in 2016 and turning it into a short story. I’ve read it so many times in so many different versions that I don’t even know if it makes sense anymore. I hope it does, and I will eventually give it to someone else to read through.

There are a lot of things I want to write about. More importantly, there is still a lot of healing that needs to take place in me, and I feel very strongly that some of this healing can only take place through writing this second book. I was getting ready for bed last night and thought I should just check out during December and do nothing but write. Of course, I have some obligations I can’t neglect completely, and I won’t be writing 24/7, but I’m noticing this internal ache that requires disconnection.

Social media breaks are not foreign to me. I usually take a long break from socials around my birthday (September) and return around Thanksgiving or Christmas. Sometimes I take a long break during the summer and return around my birthday. This year, however, I’ve only taken short breaks from socials, and I’ve recently found myself starting a lot of conversations with “So, I saw this video the other day” and it’s bugging me now.

So, I’ve decided a writing break is incredibly necessary and I will be putting business-related things on hold and spending the month of December focused on writing.

This break is also for reading and sitting by the pool and enjoying the weather once it cools down enough to enjoy and maybe even going back to church. This break is for me to disconnect from false interactions and a constant barrage of content and other people’s voices. This break is for tuning in and reconnecting with me. For remembering what my voice sounds like outside of the influence of other people—louder people—around me.

I breathe deeper just thinking about this break.

And I really wish I could completely ditch socials during this month, but I am solely responsible for posting to the podcast’s IG page because it’s not a business page yet and we can’t auto schedule those posts until it is. I also have a client with whom I’m testing my VA services and that is important to me as well. So, these things will remain.

I don’t know if this writing break will result in me being in your inbox more. But maybe it will. I kinda hope it will.

Please send me positive writing vibes!

Unhiding and Digging In

I have a habit of keeping to the background in life. I like to be behind the scenes. I’m also good at being non-committal. When I have a job, I do good work, but I never let myself commit to the place or the people. I keep my interest surface-level because I know well how an employer can (and will) let me go when it no longer suits their budget to keep me on.

However, I have also been taking this nonchalant approach to my business, which, by the way, I keep referring to as “personal projects” to avoid committing to becoming a small business owner. I have not put on the hat of “authorpreneur” as of yet. Honestly, I feel a lot of apprehension regarding business ownership. There’s so much to do and learn and so much trial and error… but even as I say that, I am reminded that that’s life. So, I’m just around here afraid to live.

I was telling someone over the weekend that I used to not be afraid to take risks or pivot. I dropped out of my first semester of university (after two years of community college) because I was on a teaching track and absolutely did not want to be a teacher. When I worked at the school, I was let go and rehired on and off for five years based on the decisions of the board and their budget/priorities and didn’t have a concern in the world. I bought a ticket to New York the same day my friend told me she and her sister were going to a wedding because she said I should come. It wasn’t until I finished grad school and spent years trying to get a library job (unsuccessfully, might I add) that I stopped trusting myself to make the right decisions.

I’ve been working through the issue of not trusting myself in therapy for a while, and I realize that I have not been digging in to my relationships, jobs, or business and I need to start doing so. The first step was to stop running from the man I wanted to be in a relationship with just because I was scared. I’ve also decided recently to commit to the job I have as a designer with Mussio Designs. Making it an important part of my life and putting effort into bringing in more clients will positively impact my current and future goals. I had no idea that website design would be something I enjoy, but lo and behold I’m loving it, and I realize the better the company does, the better I will do (and be).

Most importantly, though, I have to stop hiding and start digging in to small business ownership. I have to. NINE & TWO has to be more than it is or I am not honoring the gifts and vision God has loaned me. Sometimes I cringe at that level of responsibility because something has me convinced that it’s going to be too difficult for me, and I’ve been believing that something for a very long time. I’ve got really good people in my corner right now. People I didn’t have before but with whom I have so easily connected and placed trust in to share my dreams. These people will push me in uncomfortable ways and I will push back because I’m scared. Ultimately, though, the push truly is something I need.

So, I’m figuring out ways to make NINE & TWO more than just the place I rant about books and writing woes. NINE & TWO Press will continue to publish my books and we’ll add merch as soon as I figure out where to get exactly what I want at a price that makes sense for me. Because, let’s be honest, I would never sell something I wouldn’t buy or at a price I wouldn’t spend. So, it has to be right. You mean way more to me than a quick buck. Especially those of you who have been here a while and continue to indulge me. Truly, I appreciate you.

So, that’s it. I’m going to stop hiding and figure out how to be more present for myself and for the brand, put myself out there, and build something. The vision is big-big, yall. I have no clue what the road looks like, but I’m going to stop trying to see every twist and turn ahead and just take a step at a time.

Thanks for being here, and thanks for nurturing this space with your presence.