Category: Writing Journal

December Writing Cave – Day 26

Published on by Christine GabriélleLeave a comment

I’m stuck in a story.

The underlying theme is clear, my reason for writing it is clear, but the actual story eludes me, and I’m trying not to stop writing and turn on the TV, so I figured I’d come chat with you for a minute.

I was on “vacation” last week. Really, I spent the week watching Christmas movies during the day and Living Single at night and making time for long moments of silence and reflection. I did not work or write and only entered my office to make sure my Fittonia wasn’t pretending to be dead.

It was nice.

Also, Christmas hasn’t been feeling very good the last few years. I used to love Christmas to the deepest part of my bones. I’d start listening to Christmas music November 1st and not stop until the end of January, I’d constantly have a Christmas movie on, be immersed in decorating every inch of the house, wrapping gifts, and planning our annual Christmas party. It was truly the most wonderful time.

The past few years, though, I may have listened to ten hours of Christmas music, and most of that was as background noise while I was cooking or cleaning. And even then, a lot of that was during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I don’t think it’s because we stopped having the party—I actually prefer not having cook for, entertain, and clean up after fifty people.

I don’t know, it’s just been weird lately.

Speaking of New Year’s… For a while, I’ve battled the idea of celebrating multiple new years’ versus just one, but I’ve finally come to clarity on that front. I enjoy the personal focus that comes with my birthday, and I’ve been sort of using my birthday as a benchmark anyway, but then January 1st rolls around a few months later and I feel like I have to set an additional set of goals along with everyone else even though I’ve already set goals for my personal new year. So, upon further reflection, I’ve decided to skip the “new year, new me” madness that happens at the 1st of the year.

I’ve also decided I want to lean in more to my personal new year. And while I’ve always (since I was a kid) been one to extend my birthday celebration through the entire month of September—and once until October (covers face in shame)—I think I want to really dedicate Septembers to myself. No work; just play, reflection, planning, relaxation, and starting my new year well.

Last week’s reflection helped me solidify some Q2 goals—because I also want to try quarterly goal setting—as well as specifying rewards for reaching certain milestones along my writing and VA business journeys—because, like I’ve said before, I don’t celebrate myself well.

Now, a lot of those rewards involve allowing myself to buy coffee rather than making it at home, but they also include new outfits, celebratory dinners with friends, and a big ol’ party for at least one of the major milestones I’m trying to reach in a few years.

I’m trying to get better at making life good for myself.

For Q2, I’m focusing on getting at least 5 stories done for Book 2 as well as some sample journals. I’ll also be officially launching my VA services and looking to gain some really awesome additional clients. I have one client now who I’ve been beta testing my services with in exchange for coaching, and she’s really fun. Even though I’m a baby business owner at this point, I love being able to choose who I work with.

I’m also experiencing some conflict regarding one of my other projects that I have not yet come to clarity on. I was all in at the beginning, but now I’m not sure where I stand. The thing about tuning out all the other voices—friends, family, social media, TV, etc.—and sitting with myself in silence, is that it allows me to point out the things I’m doing because I want to do them and the things I’m doing because someone else thinks it’s a good idea.

At this point in my life, I’m trying to be very intentional about the decisions I make and the activities/environments/situations/relationships I engage in. I enjoy certain aspects of this project, but I’m wondering if it’s the project itself that I want to participate in or if I’m gaining something from the specific aspects I enjoy that I’m lacking in my everyday life.

Does that make sense?

It’s like, do you enjoy the job, or do you just crave the social interaction at lunchtime because you don’t have much of a community outside of work? The answer isn’t to stay in the job if you don’t like it, it’s to cultivate healthy community in your daily life. See what I’m saying?

I’m still stuck on this one. And I want to make sure my thoughts are clear before I go ripping up foundations.

As for this story I’m stuck at the beginning of, may grace and mercy follow me all the days of my life.

I’ll talk to you soon.

♥

December Writing Cave – Day 14

Published on by Christine GabriélleLeave a comment

Well, hello there!

No, I have not written another short story yet. BUT I have laid out the general idea and titles (except for 4 pieces) of the short stories I want to include in Book 2!

Right now, there are fifteen stories I want to include in this book. A couple of them have first drafts completed, some of them are almost fully fleshed out ideas, and some are just ideas. For instance, one of my notecards just says “friendship → breakup, reconnection, loss” and that’s it.

I have no idea where I’m going with that one yet.

Speaking of notecards, I decided to write my story ideas on individual notecards and organize them by color and symbol. Like this:

ORANGE – realistic
YELLOW – a little magical realism
GREEN – fantastical

* – basic story idea only, needs a lot of ideation
O (pretend that circle is filled in) – story idea but no title
♥ – complete story idea and title

The notecards are small enough for me to carry around and I can draft stories on my phone as needed—that’s how I drafted the story on the 1st (even though my laptop was within five feet of where I was sitting).

It feels good to just allow these ideas to flow. I’ve felt very stunted the last few months. Creating the space this month to write has been incredibly helpful. Also, I grabbed my Moleskine off the shelf and found some pretty good lines from 2009 (yes, thirteen years ago) and 2018 that inspired a few of the stories I’m writing for this next book.

Reading those lines from years ago made me realize… just because you write something today, doesn’t mean it has to produce today. You may be laying the foundation for a better you (more experienced, more confident, has gone through some things, etc.) to build upon.

One paragraph in particular—something I wrote in 2009—was the 100% exact description of an experience I had last year. Reading it struck me so hard. There was flashback, but there was also vision for what I could do with it… the story I could tell with it. I wouldn’t have had that vision when I wrote it in 2009, though. I was just completing a scenery exercise for a creative writing class I was taking in college. Now, though, it’s ready to become something. I’ve grown as a woman and a writer, but I’ve also experienced hard things that I can pull from to craft this story into one that makes other people feel things.

That’s always my goal—to make people feel things when they read my stories.

And to encourage people to explore their feelings through journaling.

So, that’s another thing I’ve been working on that came up this month. I’d had the idea for a set of journals before, but it wasn’t the right time. It felt uncomfortable and extremely difficult—which is how I know it wasn’t the right time. Now, though, I have a good grasp on it.

I think.

I want to make sure that what is in my head gets into my hands in a way that I can share. So, I’m creating something and if I love it, then I will make it available to you. If I love it, I’ll make it available to everyone.

Goodness, I am so proud of myself. If you know me, you know that’s a difficult thing for me to say, especially out loud and in public. I have always had an “other people have it worse than you” mentality coupled with an “other people are doing better than you” mentality. Somehow, it was shaped in me. Well, not somehow, I know how. It’s still a weird intersection to live at.

The things I have accomplished this year… the things I have overcome this year… we’ll talk about it later. I’m in no mood to start crying.

Thanks for being here. I can’t wait to get these things out to you! I mean, I can because I still have to create them, but you know what I’m saying.

♥

December Writing Cave – Day 1

Published on by Christine GabriélleLeave a comment

I wrote a short story today. I know, right, my “writer’s cave month” just started, and now I’m here writing to you as well.

When I was thinking about what today would look like, I figured I’d scribble some keywords/topics/ideas into my writing notebook as my way of brainstorming and then end up reading the entire day because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. But and however, that’s not what happened.

I did start out scribbling keywords in my notebook, but then I wrote a statement:

I’m trying to heal myself through writing this book.

Then I wrote a question:

Where do I need healing?

Then I wrote down the first thing that came to mind—the first wound I still need to heal—and the parts of that wound still needing healing. Next, I wrote down a thought about never being allowed to feel like it was okay to make other people mad even if it was in effort to protect myself and my values.

Finally, a sentence came to mind. I didn’t write it in my notebook. I tried to ignore it, but it kept pestering me. I started writing it as a note in my phone so I could email it to myself later without having to retype it, but I couldn’t stop at the one sentence. I kept writing. Two hours later, I forced myself to stop for lunch, then copy/pasted it into a word doc on my phone and spent another hour and a half finishing it up.

It was one of the most intense things I’ve done in a long time. The story itself is intense, even in its first draft, and I had to sit a while and focus my brain on something light (changing my dry erase calendar from November to December) in order to slow the beating of my heart.

I haven’t felt very writerly lately. I haven’t made time or created the mental space for it, and I was beginning to feel like I had lost my way again. The ache in my stomach that led to me choosing this month to focus on writing, and the way today went, both confirm for me that I haven’t lost anything. Writing that story today was confirmation that taking this month is exactly what I needed to do.

I don’t expect to have such an incredible writing day every morning when I resume my brainstorming. It would be incredible if I could write a new story I feel good about every day, but I’m not going to put that pressure on myself.

I will offer a word of encouragement, however. If you feel an ache to do something, do it. You never know what needs to be created from that space (even when you think you know).

♥