I didn’t think I had anything to say this morning. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been getting my posts done early so I could get other things done around the house, but this week I didn’t know what to write. This morning, though I still didn’t know what I would say, a reminder came. Write anyway.
I often wonder if I’m doing this ‘becoming a writer’ thing wrong. My writing habits aren’t strong right now, my procrastination level is about 80% most days, and I have overwhelming doubts that no one is going to want to read my work. Write anyway. I want my first book to be done well, but the way my budget is set up, I am at a crossroads between DIY-ing the whole thing with hopes for the best and keeping it on hold for a while longer. Because I have doubts about its selling capabilities, investing a lot of money in self-publishing this book is not high on my priority list compared to saving up for a down payment or paying off my student loans (I want to do both, but don’t know how). Write anyway.
If something has been placed on your heart to do or say, you should do (or say) it. I saw a post on Instagram that said we have to do the thing, whatever it is, even if it’s just for ourselves. Write anyway. I have to think of it this way… if it was just for me, if I expected no one else to ever see it, could I finish this book? I could. If it was just for me, I could create a cover in Canva, do the interior formatting myself, and upload it for Amazon to print. If there was an error, that would be okay because it’s just for me.
Thing is, though, it’s not just for me. There’s at least one person in the world who is going to see my book, buy it, and read it. Write anyway. They are going to notice any typos leftover after several editing sessions. Write anyway. They are going to think the book is too thin, the font is too big, the cover is not great. Write anyway. They are going to read my thoughts, some of which I haven’t shared out loud before. Write anyway. Knowing they are reading it is going to make me feel vulnerable. Write anyway. Putting this book into the world is putting myself into the world, and I’ve been very intentional about staying in my own little corner where I feel safe. Write anyway. People are going to judge me. Write anyway. People aren’t going to like it. Write anyway. People are going to have negative things to say. Write anyway. It’s not going to sell. Write anyway. It’s going to sit in a box and rot. Write anyway. I’m never going to be successful as a writer, so I shouldn’t even try. Write anyway.
I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days about freedom and choices and freedom of choice. I’ve been thinking about some of the choices I’ve been too afraid to make. I started making some of the choices I’ve been too afraid to make. Like… ending a 14-year on again off again relationship with the first person I ever loved (besides that one guy when I was in 3rd grade). I was never going to be the type of woman he wanted, and he wasn’t going to be the type of man I wanted (even though I did want him), and we were never going to be right for each other, but I kept holding on because he was safe. I knew what to expect from him, I knew what I would and wouldn’t get from him, and as long as he was in my life I didn’t have to deal with the thought that I wouldn’t find another person to love. I made a choice to deal with the thought that I wouldn’t find another person to love because it was better than another fourteen years of not being right for each other.
I don’t often make choices that have uncertain results. I am very much a person who likes to be in control because it minimizes the anxiety. However, I know that, realistically, nothing is in my control; I am here, just like you, at the mercy of life. So what if the book doesn’t sell? So what if the book only sells to the five people in my family who are likely to buy it just so they can say they supported me this one time? Write anyway.
I hope I am encouraging you as much as I am trying to encourage myself. Even if your thing isn’t writing, do it anyway. If it’s singing, do it; if it’s painting, do it; if it’s letting yourself love again, do it… Write anyway.
Until next time….